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Motorhead - Motorizer

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 August 4 2008 at 07:57:01 PM



Train kept a rollin'. But to what end? Look at the unvanquished's record: tepid at best. Even if one's willing and able to convince the crowd that The Stones are the most mammoth sham in rock 'n' roll, it's not going to stop some peckerwood from hearing the first hint of the Watts/Richards one-two that comprises "Sway" and not be frothing at the mug, all too pleased to consume until his eyes go north of nowhere. Sure, Motörhead works within the analogue's framework: a frontman now a graying semi-ambulant parody with a tandem of support as artificial as the backup singers' tits that wag and flail behind Jagger's "sardonic" ham routine, replete with shaking bonethin ass, foghorn/leghorn takes on afternoon delight, a head light of beer and smoke and a crotch waked and ached in a dew of post-fuck glue. Lenny Kilmister is well within spittin' distance. Motherfucker wouldn't come coy. And he doesn't with the trio's latest installment of mediocrity, Motörizer.

At least we've got Slayer to glom onto. They've been hellbent to nosedive since the riff bukkake that brought Reign in Blood to its exsanguinated conclusion. Studio deliverance wasn't a necessary condition of arena filling for Araya and Co. The million pairs of fatpants simply wait around for the next record to drop, failing ponderously to notice the chugga-chugga fin of nu-metal cutting through the chum-stained mini-mall. Slayer still delivers live; shit, one can argue the same for The Stones. I've seen it in stiff ink for years. Motörhead, at least, mustn't summon the apologists. It's all there, nearly neatly prima facie. Which somewhat eases the excruciating pain of this 11-track bag of flaming shit. ONE FUCKING SINGLE SONG, "When the Eagle Screams," is as close as one gets to momentarily forgetting Fast Eddie and Philthy Animal Taylor are no longer, now perhaps wax stats of their former selves, stolid and "propah" in the face of a healthy hoppy spray of Fuller's. They got out while the gettin' was good. Too many miscued covers; too many pitiful personnel decisions dropping from the top as so many pails of loose pterodactyl stool.

"Did I leave them or did they leave me?" was always every gearheaded stoner's koan. Where to heap the onus? On Lemmy? Fook noe. Philthy? Fookin' hail noe. Fast Eddie? Ah, may-bee. Fastway weren't nothin' but first-act fodder anyhow. Any head worth his cosmic weight in primordial salt woulda thrown down the Hail Marys upon the mirror-shine of Sweet's patent boots any day of the week. There were other – more monstrous mistakes: sodded takes on Tammy Wynette; Eatin' the Rich? Hellraiser and Child's Play and SpongeBob SquarePants. How 'bout the bolt revolt re: Lil' Joey Pentagno and ol' Snaggletooth's future licensing? Camera captured stills of Lemmy klatching with Triple H and Evan Dando over pomegranate frappes festooned with parasols at Le Cirque? Hmm? It's practically pointless. No one wants to point fingers. Especially me. I grew up a fan. Still am. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Who gives a fuck if this record sucks? It's still Motörhead. In vivo they'll make you forget all the ludicrous amounts of dough you dropped on that piss warm American draught; they'll make you forget about the $15 you spent on parking; all the coin you WASTED on those stupid motherfucking Boris and Sunn records over the past couple of years when all you really shoulda been doing was shoring up the gaps in your 'head collection. So do what ye must: queue up No Sleep 'til Hammersmith and wait 'til they rumble into town, kiddo.

[Stewart Voegtlin]

Motorhead
Motorizer
2008
Steamhammer/SPV
http://www.imotorhead.com
type: reviews    keywords: heavy metal, finance, lemmy, power trio, oldness, lhp017,   

Comments (2)

  • 7 comments
    eric
    1:08 AM on Aug 12, 2008 // reply »
    Actually, I was very aware of how much I was paying for beer during Motorhead's set last week. Total disappointment. True, they had sobriety and sunlight working against them, but still, what an awful setlist.

    Now Judas Priest and Heaven & Hell, however...shit, I didn't remember my name, much less the cost of the tickets.
  • 35 comments
    -c
    3:58 PM on Apr 03, 2009 // reply »
    I just saw the Metal Masters tour this past saturday. We missed Testament but Motorhead was less than impressive. I've seen they play better sets. Heaven & Hell stole the show... they were great! Priest was ok. They could have chosen better songs to play.
 

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