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Mastodon - Crack The Skye

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 May 3 2009 at 09:01:20 PM



Testes. Testes. One. Two. We have a pair. There is a special place in a hell of my own construction for bands like Mastodon and the recent incarnations of Ulver and Enslaved. I can think of few things worse than technique masquerading as music; reworkings of late Floyd, ELP, King Crimson and early Genesis masquerading as bona fides innovation; plastic, histrionic lyrics masquerading as wholly emotive, “mature,” and sincere vox. Mastodon purports to craft music about life and hardships, yet sounds so infinitely far from any modicum of the day-to-day they may as well be soundtracking digital cartoons, soap opera, advertisements for energy drinks, pheromone enhanced perfume and cologne, fat-free fat. To wit: I never feel I am listening to men making music when I listen to Mastodon. The lyrics are always so far from any feelings I’ve felt. The guitar, bass, and drums unlike anything I’ve heard strummed, picked, or pounded. Ultimately it comes off as crude trick: A cheap slight-of-hand made possible with studio airbrushing, extensive overdubs, weaponized reverb.

Crack in the Skye is Mastodon’s Rosemary’s Baby of sorts, inhabiting an unassuming back catalog of classic rock radio filler, which hosts the parasite for seven tracks and births one of the most soulless and corrupt artifacts ever engineered. Nearly 20 years ago, John Zorn’s Naked City assembled a cadre of sonic warriors and sought to raze preconceptions about compositional limitations by composing “songs” that woke shrieking and shaking apoplectic, tearing prejudicially through Hardcore, Grindcore, Jazz, Country/Western, Surf, Garage, and incidental soundtrack music. The music media’s failing, of course, was seeing/hearing Naked City as Jazz, and not the admittedly empty punchline it was brought up to be. Zorn, ever the comedic composer, straddled high and low with preternatural ease while “serious music writers” puzzled over the man who was never a mystery in the first place, clad in Nike cross-trainers, army surplus and FUCK YOU t-shirt.

Naked City’s axeman, Bill Frisell, ever the cornball’s cornball, would undoubtedly swoon over Hinds and Kelliher’s guitar work. It is the labyrinthine, learned, over-practiced plastic he is wont to ape terrifically. Credit Hinds and Kelliher for rendering silly and toothless riffs in ways that sound simultaneously as big tent Vegas acrobat bit and quick ringtone fodder for “wayward” adolescents. Dailor’s drumming responds in kind, a monkey crashing about beat-for-beat with the kind of boundless alacrity demonstrated en masse via YouTube play-along-with-the-record suburban percussionists malnourished from a steady diet of Peart and Ulrich. Crack the Skye’s most intolerable feature is its vocals, which serve a perfect vehicle for lyrics that match the recording’s most egregious and pointless excesses. Two songs that surpass the 10-minute barrier sounds the siren for “ambition” and gets folks talking endlessly about all things “epic” and “prog” and “mature.” “The Czar” clocks in at 10 minutes 54 seconds and conjures quick image of two fat-panted, tribal-tatted mallrats annoying the Guitar Center staff with glass-jawed takes on Steve Howe’s heavyweight prattle. “Spiraling up through the crack in the sky / Leaving material world behind / I see your face in constellations / The martyr is ending his life for mine.” “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” it ain’t. We can only hope the lyrics will be explained in time as a mixture of Gnostic thought, Dianetics and bad haircuts.

A friend once likened Zorn’s Naked City to an endless radio dial roll; a bored-stiff stiff going from station to station, refusing to settle on one song as all of it refused to offer anything of inherent artistic worth. Mastodon partakes in the self-same exercise. The only difference here is they truly think what they do is “great” and “new” when it’s really no better than the ephemeral and nihilistic blah that continues to clog FM airwaves. Crack the Skye is not “prog” or “emo.” It’s not “original” or “mature” and certainly never was “Metal” for that matter. It’s simply just bad. OK, listeners? First caller receives a pair of passes to the first day of the rest of their life. Pick up the phone. Dial that number. And don’t turn that radio dial…

[Stewart Voegtlin]

Mastodon
Crack the Skye
Reprise Records
www.mastodonrocks.com

Comments (20)

  • 108 comments
    jniff
    8:51 AM on May 04, 2009 // reply »
    heh - surprised you took the time to review this! I assume the review was written whilst downing copious amounts of Bud Light Lime to help set the mood...
  • 374 comments
    VOEGTLIN
    10:54 AM on May 04, 2009 // reply »
    They're a funny band. Their fans are even funnier.
  • 2 comments
    scotar
    1:33 PM on May 04, 2009 // reply »
    That was probably the most vicious review I have ever read. You should do more negative reviews.
  • 374 comments
    VOEGTLIN
    1:43 PM on May 04, 2009 // reply »
    It felt like taking an hour long shit while having my balls massaged by Kim Kardashian. Some Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass on the other room. Faint smell of microwaved pizza wafting into the bath.
  • 24 comments
    SMB
    2:37 PM on May 04, 2009 // reply »
    FINALLY! with no shame, being an atlantan, I extol this review. Brought out many chuckles. Perhaps what's more humorous is the wrawk and wrawl warrior vibe lead guitarist is gabbing out to the press. Kudos

    http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/crack_the_skye_finds_mastodon_on_the_haunt/Content?oid=742524
  • 374 comments
    VOEGTLIN
    7:36 AM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    SMB: Where in the ATL are you located? I'll buy you a Bud Light Lime at the Testament show...
  • 24 comments
    SMB
    7:51 AM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    REYNOLDSTOWN dood... hah, ahh bud lime. I hear they are sponsoring the WITTR/Krallice/Lightning Swords of Death show..
  • 24 comments
    SMB
    8:51 AM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    or rather a Storm of Light (not Lightning Swords...)
  • 2 comments
    "Art"
    11:19 AM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    Keep an eye out for the film version.

    Here you go:

    http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=119443

    That's good comedy.
  • 108 comments
    jniff
    12:29 PM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    i'm a bit surprised no one has defended this album. SMB - after reading the Atlanta article, you'd think their reviewer and Stew listened to two different albums:

    The songs are both nebulous and grand, intertwining with allegory and real-life tragedy. Yet, the album remains open to interpretation, depending on what each listener brings along for the headlong dive into the wormhole.
  • 374 comments
    VOEGTLIN
    1:34 PM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    I just figure people really hate these guys and truly think WITTR is doing something INVINCIBLE!
  • 24 comments
    SMB
    5:40 PM on May 05, 2009 // reply »
    Indeed, jniff- vast differences in reviews. Its just refreshing to read one from the other end- away from all the favorable hype, chatter, and publicity that seemed to be inescapable (down here) during the couple of months leading up to Crack the Skye's release.
  • 15 comments
    evanz
    1:11 AM on May 06, 2009 // reply »
    Nice to see a review balance out the overwrought hype.
  • 7 comments
    eric
    10:42 PM on May 07, 2009 // reply »
    I can't even understand mustering up hate for stuff like this anymore. I've heard Crack the Skye once at a friend's house. Didn't care either way. What use of studio trickery have Mastodon made that Iron Maiden or Judas Priest haven't or wouldn't have? What have Mastodon really done besides succeed at playing music that they enjoy and you don't? Do you honestly expect the average Rolling Stone writer to be listening to Teitanblood instead?

    There have been a lot of comments complaining about the hype and press surrounding this album, of which this piece is one more addition, regardless of being negative. You all act as if there's some lack of people criticizing this album when every member of the underground police has been shitting on this band for years. Mastodon don't write their own reviews and bios, they just play music. If what they play catches the public's ear then it's more of an indictment of the current artistic climate than of four dudes doing something that you don't even have to take notice of if you don't go out of your way to.

    Candlemass make an unnecessary and forgettable album and we get a list of reasons why it might be worth a download. Mastodon make an unnecessary and forgettable album and get crucified.

    Sorry for the drunken rant. Back to Townes Van Zandt.
  • 7 comments
    eric
    10:51 PM on May 07, 2009 // reply »
    Holy crap, you're gonna go see nowadays Testament with cancer-surviving, Jesus-finding, not-drinking, purple and black extension braids-having Chuck Billy and you're taking Mastodon to task?

    Standards, man, standards.
  • 374 comments
    VOEGTLIN
    4:16 AM on May 08, 2009 // reply »
    Dear Eric:

    Your plea for having "standards" razes your "can't-we-all-just-get-along" argument. You see, one can't beg for critical relativism, and suggest critique of art has no meaning if the ones producing the art are merely "enjoying themselves," and then turn around and deride a band like Testament for doing exactly the same thing. Yeah, you sound kinda drunk.

    So, you understand your problem with logic now, right? It's awful, Eric. But comparing Mastodon to Maiden and Priest... A crime... And for its commission I sentence you to 999 years on staff at Oaken Throne, where big, important bands have their balls shined on a regular basis and critical reviews have no place.

    Love,

    Voegtlin

    P.S. DePalma wrote the Candlemass review.

  • 2 comments
    Khlysty
    3:58 PM on May 13, 2009 // reply »
    Oh, Stew of my greatest dreams of hunger, how right you are. Especially the Naked City parallel was really untouchable. As for Mastodon, I remind thee of the (R.I.P.) Stylus review of "Leviathan" and the great metaphor about Republicans. Too bad, then, that Mastodon ain't become Rush Limbaugh, but Bobby Jindal. So lame...
  • 4 comments
    Aaron
    10:55 AM on May 14, 2009 // reply »
    Wonderful, spot-on review. There is a special kind of hatred I have reserved for the very people you described above. Reminds me why I keep coming back to Lefthandpath.

    I just noticed:

    "Checking to see that *your* human, please answer the math problem below."

    Bad grammar. :(
  • 1 comment
    VOGTLIN
    11:04 AM on May 14, 2009 // reply »
    Bad grammar is metal.
  • 1 comment
    wargarble
    3:57 PM on Jun 24, 2009 // reply »
    I celebrate the album. I would also have been skeptical of studio trickery until I saw them perform the whole acid-soaked enchilada and then go on to rip through the rest of their albums without any discernible flaws. Look, I've seen Iron Butterfly, the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, Pantera, Incantation, Neurosis, Today is the Day and Opeth with High on Fire to name same random but vivid shows, and the Crack the Skye tour Mastodon certainly ranks up there with those classics. I think history will err on the side that this album will be regarded as classic, and not contrived, or pretentious. Is it pretentious to be good at what you do?
 

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