Fauna - Rain
March 4 2009 at 07:45:33 PM
[The scene is but a deep and sorrowful glade whereupon several makeshift dwellings have been erected. Fires send thick gouts of smoke to the sky. Squirrels plucked from tree boughs roast upon the flames on skewers. Several men, women, and children gather, talking, singing, jesting. Amongst them sundry knights, squires, wives, friars, clerks and merchants, millers and reeves and cooks, physicians and sages, pardoners, parsons, monks and nuns, and one man of law. There is much commotion and confusion surrounding a band of pilgrims from undisclosed lands posing inquiry to an unearthly artifact inscribed: FAUNA. Among them, BIRKEY, a slim and somber lad with face overrun with scraggly beard, spins yarns at once fantastic and feasible, of the traveling bards FAUNA. Birkey’s wife, COVEY, stands as slim and somber, festooned with adornments crafted from the bones of waterfowl. She poses a question. Seemingly simple and innocent, its interrogative wanders throughout the glade, causing a most unwelcome din. COVEY stands before the crowd holding an oaken case aloft, its form inscribed with unidentifiable runes, crow and buzzard feathers rise from its middle.].
COVEY: Lo! Founde this upon kioske Aurora Borealis... Ye knowest of FAUNA? Myght I trouble thou for word and deed? Any and all tales welcomed indeed. Bigot, all I maye bestowe is origin: That of Olympia. Yonder where grasse growes greenest.
BIRKEY: [gesticulating wildly] Speaketh, Doombob. Bigot, I implore ye.
DOOMBOB: [finishes a flagon of grog and belches vociferously] Aye, Covey speaketh truth. FAUNA come together also as ALETHES. Ye knowest of thys metal black? Myne ears have not heard, but we hold among our wares for barter.
OSBERT: Lad of L'Acephale wakened me to thys. Yet I know lyte in soothfastnesse.
SEXTON: [pulls about his beard and exclaims] Lo! This sight I’ve seen moons ago. What queere folke and what melodye! Hooly blissful I sayeth. I seene of them in the forest, and as soone as I was lede to some location secret and forbidden by the lyghte of candles, I saw birdes deadened strung betwixt two pines, and some symbol enigmatic made of bones. Aye, they were quyte theatrycal. A myghte silly. Goode nevertheless.
WARFIELD: [Flips and farts] Wei-la-wei! Ye sayeth FAUNA playe dieselharpe?
FITCH: I was gyven notice fro FAUNA as to set into motion performance about the southwest arounde Spring. With thys I dare not assist, but I recollect them insisting on performing in nature’s midst so as to hold rituale heathen. Aye, stille pondering why I was gyven notice.
CAMPION: Aye, does thou sayeth bones? And in the forest? I must witness this FAUNA.
BARTLETT: [picking his arse with wild abandon] Bah. FAUNA is false, flora is troo.
SEXTON: The harpyst of FAUNA assembled unto THRENOS in Anno Domini 2004. Blood and by Earth is possibly one of the most epic Cascadian folk/ambient black metal recordings ever, dude.
[The crowd becomes hushed. Hawks float circles over head and flare. Then a dark form rises in the back of the throng and speaks.]
ASTON: Hear, and I shalle tell ye: As far as their lives, they dwell within Olympia, and are alle quyte strange. Play Mutantfest nearly every year for anyone looking to see them in the fleshe. They also tour kind of a lot, though very discretely.
WARFIELD: Aston, how might one tour ‘discreetly?’ And what of this ‘Cascadian metal black' herald which appears cropping up to and fro in sounde relation to bards of such ilke as LEECH, FELL VOICES?
ASTON: Aye, Warfield. Thouest tour discretely bye not telling people where ye intend to perform and at what daye, and then materialising in fulle rituale garb, and playing so intensely that people die while you play. There is written word floating around that tells of it..
Lo! And Cascadian metal black is just that: Black metal from Cascadia. Its relation to the aforementioned bands (as well as others that carry the name) is sounde. Bands from Cascadia (particularly of the black, folk, doom, or ambient persuasion) sound significantly different than bands from just outside the border, as well as other regions of the world playing similar styles.
WARFIELD: And what of the State of Jefferson? Are ye in league with those guys?
Why are alle so concerned about the evil so-cal hordes, those guys like it down there. I doubt they wanna come up to where it's cold and where you don't have to wear shades everyday of the year.
ASTON: Aye, there's but a feeling in Washingtone toward the Californians that move upon there. It's not of hatred or anything because people in 'Cascadia' are fairly polite. I think mainly they just get stressed out at California natives' defensive driving style.
DOOMBOB: Ye seem to lose track of Covey’s question, dearest Aston. Lo! I am still without any graven image of FAUNA. Anyone ever rendered these folk in arte? I hear some video footage exusts – thouest seene?
COVEY: My question is well the same. Where might I see pictures of these people, as I fear of new Velvet Cacoons spawning here and there as mushrooms after the rain.
WARFIELD: Do ye know much about the spawn rate of a velvet cacoon? Its diet? Weaknesses? Are they vulnerable to fire? Should I stock my bunker?
PRENTICE: Picture, if you wille, Viking men in tandem and thouest hath seen FAUNA. Hear, serious Eliminator style beardstorm. Reckon they rightfully play in Seattle with WOLVES in a fortnight so then someone in sooth may capture some live shots.
GEARY: Ye bark a bit. Never commit to enjoying a band's music before seeing a publicity photo.
ASTON: Bah. Terrible advice.
GEARY: Not the only humor being missed here...
OSBERT: Hear, no humor in Cascadia.
ASTON: It's not like it's sunny here, after all.
HOWE: When I traveled by foote to fair Cascadia it reminded me of my homeland.
OSBERT: Stumptowne doesn't qualify as a joke?
GEARY: Stumptowne?
ASTON: Incidentally Stumptowne served a separate municipality imposed upon our nation by Pinke Order of the Hipster (a diabolical poser cult capable of building authentic trend garbage of a very high caliber, so convincingly hip that most common people can't even comprehend its inherent illegitimacy) in the late 1800s c.e., originally founded under the name Newe Babylone. This relocation and consolidation of previous hipster meccas (SF, Seattle, New Yorke, etc) onto our lands has never been officially recognised by the Republic of Cascadia and has such been considered a blight on our unique culture and thriving economy ever since. Their plan from the beginning for Stumptowne was to create the epitome of False, trend madness. An incestuous mecca of pseudo-retro glamour, cocaine, and fashionista culture.
One Trend To Rule Them All.
OSBERT: Ah, this is where the home-made firebombs arise...
DOOMBOB: Aye, sounds familiar... Perchance Stumptowne forefathers originated from East London, ye hamlet of Shoreditch, in the recesses of dim dark past, heavily persecuted for their nonsense.
ASTON: Aye! This is quyte likely! The roots of the Pinke Order go very deep…
HOWE: Any roade up, FAUNA are playing tomorrow, BLOOD OF THE BLACK OWL will be joining them upon stage. They're playing with WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM. Any reports of this showe are greatly appreciated: Too bad I can't go... I left it too late to get the coracle out and paddle over to the People's Republic of Cascadia.
DOOMBOB: Will some lad kindly sketche pictures of FAUNA finally?
OSBERT: Don’t ye meanest, FAUNALLY?
[DOOMBOB stomps upon OSBERT's bare feet.]
GEARY: Just glue long hair and beards on some turnips and sketch with cooled ashen stickes. That can serve as promo pic.
BARTLETT: [flicks a booger of some heft in GEARY's general direction] Wouldn't that be more Flora than FAUNA though?
DOOMBOB: I aske Chet (BLOOD OF THE BLACK OWL) how the showe was… Lo!
Me: The FAUNA event? Myght I trouble ye for wordes?
Chet: Brutally depressing! At one point, I needed to leave the roome...Ye have no idea what ye miss! I could never explain the live experience in wordes.
Lo! Bigot high praise indeed! Any reports? I still have naught regarding evidence.
GEARY: Are the concert goers threatened to be killed if they post pictures from the showe? Why is it such a big deal to see how they look on stage? I mean they aren't freakin' Velvet Serbian Cocoon.
SWAIN: At the showe was I. As usual, indescribable. With mine eyes I have seeneth times four now. The band I'm now in opened for them in a TINY un-supervised club in Seattle, and I streese, this is something NO pictures could ever capture. Besides, there are strict rules about no photography being allowed. There is none in sooth, and I mean NO FUCKING BAND IN ALL SOOTHFASTNESSE, that can touch FAUNA. Lo! They render NACHTMYSTIUM an emo band, which they essentially are. The Seattle showes though, can't be compared to their shows in Olympia or in the setting of the forest. They play Seattle too, in a move calculated and of the stars I suspect, to mock its modernism and materiality.
DOOMBOB: In sooth I too have heard from all with an eye-witness angle on this. I know FAUNA are keen on trying to take their live aspect further afield; much hope to this happening in due course.
SWAIN: It's just the two of them live – guitars/vocals. All else is pre-recorded.
DOOMBOB: Aye, but its scratched onto elk marrow rather than recorded in the sense of laptop or other modern nonsense, right?
SWAIN: They record on a laptop, but only to mock its modernity.
DOOMBOB: What joye to see them play in the woods… Lo! In sooth, it would probably be past my bedtime.
OSBERT: I implore ye to provide pictures of these heathens! I mean, one picture will be enough.
Reclusive primitivist elitism sells... But who's buying?
DOOMBOB: Ha! That's killer. Ah, takes me back to my youth...
YATES: Lo! I hap upon FAUNA in midst of rituale heathen! Upon me they bestoweth RAIN. It is amazing. I found THE HUNT foule in its presence, which also brings me joye. It’s so hypnotic, ritualistic, and feels so organic, nothing contrived about it. I’m just curious: How long have these guys been around?
ASTON: FAUNA, my friende has been together for quyte some time. I'm not sure exactly how long. FAUNA and WOLVES spring from the selfsame towne, and do play live together to some extent. I almost feel as if WOLVES really feed from FAUNA. FAUNA released RAIN, a very foresty, natural, "dampe" sounding album. WOLVES then release DIADEM OF 12 STARS, which has very much the same feeling in soothfastnesse. FAUNA then released THE HUNT: An album of the primitive natures of man, driving them to hunger, to hunt, o feast. WOLVES then release TWO HUNTERS: An album in regards the constant beating of Earth by an apocalyptic rider, and influences ancient of man and the "two hunters;" namely Ursus and ancient man. I don't know. It all seems really... suspicious.
OSBERT: Bigot, Aston! Ye aventure upon the wisdome of ye gots!
YATES: Seriously dudes, it would be really, really helpful if someone could quickly proffer those lyrics. Anyone?
SWAIN: Best I can tell from the ultra-fuzzed black on black insert that came with the original demo:
Before the stars fled our sky/
When we spoke the old tongue/
When our mouths were filled with soil/
Our tongues danced as trees/
As owl flies to cedar bough...
Shadow unto shadow falls/
The wrung earth stills/
Smoke rises from an empty face/
Inkstain from the heart spreads/
Hot tears spill/
From the sky's open seam/
An ash breeze pours/
From our pure mouths/
Partake of this dying fruit/
Footprints fill with poison water/
Footprints toward the forest fade/
As animals we gather/
Around the womb-hole in the ground/
Shed this flimsy skin/
Ignite our eyes again/
Shadow opens/
Nature's hands enfold/
Listen: wind inside/
Wind, harbinger/
Under a ragged cloth of sky/
And the moon's blazing eye/
Burrow deep in blackest earth/
And break further/
Hands blackened with thy own blood/
Piece me back together/
Unburden the gutted beast/
Fill the abyssal chest with leaves/
I, great wound the wind whips/
Disappear./
[Those who love us will forget that they loved]
The ugly past curls in the fire/
Shadows cast their figures/
Into the swallowing mist./
YATES: Wow, many thanks Swain. It seems my hearing was completely off for all but the last stanza. Thanks again for pulling through. Now I'm off to shift over to my left brain!
SWAIN: Stymie ye shit and save for this. [SWAIN pulls a scroll from his coat.] This was never seen. Lo! A fucking dreadlock beard... I knew the day that I saw it, actualized, my life would be changed forever.
OSBERT: I want to see this band live. Really, really badly.
DOOMBOB: Wow! thanks for sharing. Looks like any amazing show, though I’m sure those photo still do the performance no justice. Looks extremely primitive... Just as I imagined it would be.
GEARY: Aye, but I heard they gan in sooth pissed when souls rendered unofficial and unexpurgated a MySpace about them and han the dude of L'Acephale eke a bulletin being all OH- PLEASE-DON’T-SUPPORT-THESE-PEOPLE makes me not ever want to listen to them again.
ASTON: I don't think it’s particularly difficult to understand why that might be viewed as offensive. Regardless of how some souls of this glade and the majority of the "underground" music consumer community at large may feel about the priority of artists meeting their needs for convenient formats and means of assimilation first and foremost, the material remains the creation of said artist and therefore yes also its representation and distribution should be largely on their own terms.
GEARY: Ye dense fuck. Did I say "noone should listen to it?” I’m saying their pretension turns me off on listening to the CD I own. Yeah, I know it’s pretty a priori and generally out of place for me but, come on...don’t be such a brat. I'm saying that deciding this (or any other band) needs a MySpace for them is pretentious
ASTON: Aye, Got forbid anyone share music they like with others... Why are you so bothered by it?
GEARY: Nary idea this serves more adequate or complimentary to the work then what the individuals actually involved have chosen (or specifically not) to do with it themselves and in the process being so certain of the desirability of your own values as to lose total sight of those you're now counteracting somehow on "their" behalf.
DOOMBOB: I'm not so bothered much as drunk and can easily see why I might be if it had happened to me.
ASTON: I see that, but I can say that I would ask the same if someone made a similar page for any band I'm involved in. It's not hard to find the band's actual page, which has the exact same samples on it. I'm sure they have a reason for not wanting a MySpace page.
BARTLETT: Aye, I would get mad if people stopped thinking I was a wood elf too.
ASTON: Not taking things seriously is something i take very seriously.
GEARY: that makes no sense at all
OSBERT: I'd imagine not least the fact that MySpace is as ugly as fuck.
ASTON: If they don't want their shit on MySpace that's their right. It's not like they're the only anti-myspace band. Besides, I don't even think they're anti-MySpace, they just want to run their own shit. i know these guys and they take what they do seriously, musically and aesthetically. I respect them. some may be turned off by their seriousness and that's fine. Bottom line: If it turns you off, just ignore them.
SEXTON: You read that interview? "He gave an amazing, soul-wrenching, transformative performance, and there’s like five people there."
GEARY: Lo! In alle soothfastnesse he does sounde quyte pathetically diluted and a narcissistic crock of shit.
ASTON: Well, I admit that it is a little overzealous, but offer ye in apologia: Why tour the globe if ye thought people didn't need to hear ye music? Anyone who tours believes someone out there will appreciate it. If everyman hears of it, some such people will in all soothfastnesse be transformed. Changing the world means, in no way, that you have to change a large amount of people. To change one is a change in the world. But, rest assured, your point is well-taken, Geary.
OSBERT: How long before the Cascadian Elite throw FAUNA 'neath the bus? Time is nigh.
ASTON: We are holding a conference in Cedar Vale this coming Thor'sday, but I believe the bus is in the shop right now. We're working on it.
GEARY: Horse + cart. As the Amish they refrain from the internal combustion engine, lest it mock them with its modernity
[The earth splits beneath the crowd's feet. A gaseous substance emits from the ground and a man rises out of the din dressed entirely in outdated Swedish military gear. The throng is silent save for DOOMBOB who finishes his tenth flagon and belches, tossing his frightwig about his feminine shoulders. CHADETH comes before the throng, brandishes a mace and then steps back from whence he came.]
CHADETH: Aw, fuck y’all. I'm gonna go get some nachos.
[Stewart Voegtlin]
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