Enslaved - Vertebrae
September 22 2008 at 02:03:24 AM
Surely to be a favorite of the ILM “rockers,"
Vertebrae shows Norway’s Enslaved surpassing the mind-numbing “cartoon core” [known in various tight-assed circles as “pan-stylistic”] of the equally as soporific Ulver, moving head on towards a music so artificial and hyperbolic it may as well be soundtracking Mario Kart. Abandoning the
Grace Under Pressure schmaltz of “roots rocker”
Ruun, Grutle and the lot of his brood replete with
Hagar the Horrible surname, cut ‘n’ paste, mix ‘n’ match swatches of a veritable “Who’s Who?” from the Big Glossies. Surprise! How ‘bout, Radiohead (see also: Coldplay; Travis; Keane; Snow Patrol, et al) Queens of the Stone Age, Neurosis, Tool, Mars Volta, The Sound of Animals Fighting, etc… Some will confuse surgically sleek collage with, um-whoa-fuck prowess; neglecting to realize there was only one single story in Zorn’s
Naked City, predictably placed and executed for folks with severely cut hair and lots of disposable income to drop on Japanese toys and Hentai wigs for their girlfriends.
To make matters worse, there’s a “concept album” malaise wafting through the program. Even if I don’t have the one-sheet comprised equally of Pearl Buckian ethos updated for the “Live Green!” mantra taken up [this week] by ex-urban gals ‘n’ gents swathed in interchangeable jeans and American Apparel tees, I know what—fundamentally—is at hand… May as well be the sorta vodka ad demonstrating the “earthiness” of said product with entrancing Malickean close-ups of swaying grain and crashing, crystal clean waves. The advertiser’s vision neglects to show the agoraphobic misanthrope who bathes in said tipple until he buttpees blood all in his tightee whitees. Doesn’t fit with the faux ethereal vibe here, foax. So, crane an ear to those cherubic choruses! Those searching, insistent keys! Those pestering electronic treatments! Arggggggggggggh.
Teens somehow finding time away from relentless texting and sportfucking might wanna sit down and grow some instrumental chops. If they keep it in the bedroom for a few years and learn mimetic sonic arts they might have it in ‘im to craft some sorta crossover “Prog Metal” artifact My Chemical Romance members would even pitch.
Vertebrae is certainly it; hey, you’ve made it! Rick Wakeman, eat yr fucking heart out.
[Stewart Voegtlin]
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What a total shock. Here's me thinking you'd review this album with an open mind...
Another dogshit review from yourself. A true hack. Congrats, good sir.
Oh, Dave. C'mon. You're not that upset about this. I'm open-minded; you must have missed - or disregarded - my WRNLRD championing on this site. As far as Enslaved goes, I'm a huge Yes, Rush, and "Metal" fan; I just don't like all three of those mashed together. It aint nothin' like mash and peas and steak. Nothin'.
So, ILM = "Intelligent Life Metal". You're reviews would do better if you say, described the actual music pro or con, as opposed to making a bunch of random references to shit that has nothing to do with the album.
No. Wrong on all counts. All those "random references" have everything to do w/ the album. This is criticism, not journalism. Spoon-feeding happens elsewhere: not by my hand.
Does "Hack" really apply here? Aint you doing this for free? Anyway hacks are good company. Faulkner was a hack, writing movie scripts he didnt care about. For dough. To get tanked. Those guys that write fortune cookies are hacks. You scoff when it doesn't go your way but when it says YOURE HANDSOME or YOU WILL BE REWARDED you kinda believe it a little. C'mon.
The only objection I have with the review is that whereas I think I fit the criteria of Intelligent Life Metal fan, I still think this record is bad.
Stewart Voegtlin, I don't know if you get this sort of feedback often (the commentspace is a bit hostile most of the time!) but thanks for these pieces. I don't come here to read glorified press releases and/or people's shallow descriptions of doublebass and wicked riffs, I come to get your (and Todd's) critique and experience of a given piece of art. I can listen to a record on my own and make up my mind if it's worth getting and that's not the usefulness of such a website.
Object no more, Helm. ILM = http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/NewAnswersControllerServlet?boardid=41
Yeah, I don't really get where the [faux] hostility is coming from. Ostensibly, none of these folks are aware of where we're "coming from," have read the ed statement: http://www.thelefthandpath.com/lefthandpath/index.cfm/event/edstatement , or realize this is NOT a commercial website looking to duplicate one-sheet hyperbole. The staff is unpaid. We do this for "kicks."
You, apparently, get all of this. And we love you for it. Let me buy you an iced tea w/ lemon.
Ha. Thanks for the clear up. I didn't even bother trying to google "ILM" because I would have gotten, predictably, "Industrial Light & Magic" results.
About the comments you get, perhaps there is a majority of your readers that 'get it' that for one reason or another do not comment. In any case, your work here is very worthwhile.